A Field Trip In My Refrigerator

It is with deep regret that I announce…..”Cleaned out my fridge tonight”.  And it really frightened me.  I did not like what I found.  My love for cooking usually has my fridge full of food, some of it already prepared lovingly with my own hands.  And, some of it not prepared~meaning fresh veggies sitting on a shelf waiting to brought out into the light,waiting to be chopped, diced, seasoned, sautéed, grilled and devoured.

How could this happen I’m wondering.  I love to cook.  And I hate to waste food, it’s throwing good money away.  Delicious fresh fruits and veggies and jellies fill my trash can tonight.  The pooch is just waiting for me to turn my back…he watches me with one eye while pretending to be napping, planning his revenge for not getting his walk in tonight.  I know the routine.  I’m on to him, but that doesn’t mean that I occasionally slip up and forget to take the trash out before I crawl into bed.  The sneaky scoundrel. 

But tonight, oh tonight I found not so pretty things.  Things that didn’t smell good.  And things that were a teeny bit fuzzy. 

Here’s what I found: 

a jar of my favorite salsa, only about a quarter of the salsa was left and I had a tear in my eye as I poured the once delicious salsainess (I love making new words) down the garbage disposal.  It was beginning to grow penicillin for a pharmaceutical company.

a container of refried beans that I had intentions of using for my mouth-watering quesadillas.  Dumped with disgust in the trash.  Okay maybe not with disgust because it really didn’t smell good.  So yea disgust is the correct word.  It wasn’t pretty. 

about 6 strawberries that were shriveled with age, one I am sad to report was growing a beard.

half a green pepper and a whole red pepper was starting to show its age.  Wrinkles were forming, no botox please.  I quickly chopped and diced and sautéed for some recipes in a day or two.

about a tablespoon of goat cheese.  Ugh. The silkiness and smoothness of the cheese gone, dried up because I didn’t have the package closed properly.

I found about 2 cups of chicken broth that was still good so I made my yummy brown rice recipe.  And I will be adding the sautéed peppers.  Good lunch for tomorrow.

Also found a half of a huge white onion.  I chopped a portion of that and added it to a can of tuna.  More lunch for tomorrow.

Then I shockingly found my hardly used jar of ginger jelly.  I had a meltdown.  Really I did.  I puddled on the floor and sobbed for what seemed like hours.  I managed to crawl to the garbage can and toss the jar.  I couldn’t let go of it.  I don’t know how I’ll sleep tonight.

Came across an almost empty jar of hoisin sauce.  Couldnt even open that jar.  Tossed. 😦  Could have used that with my peppers.

A small container of OJ.  Smelled okay but the expiration date was a month and a half ago.  Gone.

And lastly, the remaining half of a cucumber and an open bag of baby carrots.  The cuke was gross.  The carrots dried and cracked,  how long have those suckers been in there???

The freezer field trip is next.

I hide my face in shame and embarrassment…..

Anesthesia is a strange little thing…

Not so sure I really want to share this with total strangers.  But I do!  I want to share it with everyone simply because it is so funny.  It cracks me up.

Anesthesia. 

It’s a good thing to have when you have to have surgery.  And it’s a funny thing to have when you have to have surgery.  At least to those that are standing around you while you are laying semi-naked on the operating table.  Those total strangers.  Men that you don’t know.  That within a blink of an eye (while you are under the influence of said anesthesia) will rip away what little pieces of fabric there are left, separating you from those strangers.  And then you are exposed.  In all your glory.  There is no dignity in the OR.

My morning started with no coffee.  No coffee.  I thought of making a pot just so I could take in the aroma but I knew I could not trust myself.  I could NOT be trusted.  Off to the hospital I go.  My nurse hands me a gown and tells me to remove all my clothes and put the gown on.  Everything, I ask?  Everything, she says.  Even my underwear I asked, with slight confusion?  Yes, she says with a smile, even your underwear.  Seriously, I’m just having lumpy things removed from my arm and legs.  Really?  Yes really.  I was tempted to leave them on anyway but like a fool I listened.  I should know better by now.  Just go with my gut and I’ll be fine.  But then I’d have nothing to blog about.

Eventually the surgeon comes in to “mark” me.  He started to lift my gown to look at my legs and I grabbed his hand stopping him, telling him that I have no panties on.  He just smiled and went about his business.  Doesn’t anyone care that I have no panties on and it really bothers me that my whoha might be exposed?? 

Then I’m wheeled into the operating room, the very cold operating room.  All my “male” nurses waiting for me.  One of them begins to cover me with oven warmed blankies.  (I want an oven blankie warmer thingy for Christmas) The anesthesia doc must have begun drugging me because all of a sudden I am completely relaxed and feeling drowsy.  Good, knock me out and get this party over with. 

Next thing I know, I hear the doc asking me if I can feel anything and if I’m doing okay.  I tell him I feel tugging on my arm and my hand with the IV hurts.  He says he just gave me more………..and I’m out. 

Then it happens.  I am horrified.  I hear the doc ask me again if I’m doing okay but suddenly the blankets are ripped from me.  I feel my gown being moved up.  I started yelling I DONT HAVE ANY UNDERWEAR ON I DONT HAVE ANY UNDERWEAR ON!  And I’m out.  Until I feel them spread my legs!!!   I’m mortified!!!   Completely and utterly mortified!!  I hear the doc ask me again, are you doing okay.  And all I can say is I DONT HAVE ANY UNDERWEAR ON I DONT HAVE UNDERWEAR ON!  Either someone took pity upon me or they wanted to shut me up but one them covered my goodies with a rolled towel.  THANK YOU I say.  And I’m out again.

I don’t wake up again until I’m in my room to recover and now the nurses are looking.  But now I don’t really care since I am in lala land.  Until I get a glance of my friend sitting in the chair and I panic that he might see so I start pushing everyone else’s hands away from me.   He is just a friend and has never and will never see my whoha.  HAHA.  

Like I said, no dignity and everything exposed.

The End.

Labor Day Weekend Memories

Yummm!  I have wonderful memories of Labor Day at my parents house.  Nothing fancy, nothing more than just tradition and family and Mom’s cooking.  I have always loved Mom’s hamburg barbque, she made the best.  And no recipe!!!  But I think I figured it out!  From as far back as I can remember she made that barbque, deviled eggs and baked beans.  Dad would still fire up the grill  for chicken or burgers and baked potatoes.   I hate to say this, forgive me Mom, but my deviled eggs are better!  The ingredients are certainly different from what she used. 

Every year she made a huge pot of barbque, there was always a gazillion people, family, that would be spending the day together.  By the pool.  Laying around watching TV.  Kids running around.  Always at my parents.  I remember plenty of weekends where it rained and rained, but it didn’t stop the gathering, or the food.   It was tradition.  So, in honor of my parents I’ll be making her traditional Labor Day weekend menu, minus the beans, never was a baked bean fan!

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend and can reminisce on holidays past.