Anesthesia is a strange little thing…

Not so sure I really want to share this with total strangers.  But I do!  I want to share it with everyone simply because it is so funny.  It cracks me up.

Anesthesia. 

It’s a good thing to have when you have to have surgery.  And it’s a funny thing to have when you have to have surgery.  At least to those that are standing around you while you are laying semi-naked on the operating table.  Those total strangers.  Men that you don’t know.  That within a blink of an eye (while you are under the influence of said anesthesia) will rip away what little pieces of fabric there are left, separating you from those strangers.  And then you are exposed.  In all your glory.  There is no dignity in the OR.

My morning started with no coffee.  No coffee.  I thought of making a pot just so I could take in the aroma but I knew I could not trust myself.  I could NOT be trusted.  Off to the hospital I go.  My nurse hands me a gown and tells me to remove all my clothes and put the gown on.  Everything, I ask?  Everything, she says.  Even my underwear I asked, with slight confusion?  Yes, she says with a smile, even your underwear.  Seriously, I’m just having lumpy things removed from my arm and legs.  Really?  Yes really.  I was tempted to leave them on anyway but like a fool I listened.  I should know better by now.  Just go with my gut and I’ll be fine.  But then I’d have nothing to blog about.

Eventually the surgeon comes in to “mark” me.  He started to lift my gown to look at my legs and I grabbed his hand stopping him, telling him that I have no panties on.  He just smiled and went about his business.  Doesn’t anyone care that I have no panties on and it really bothers me that my whoha might be exposed?? 

Then I’m wheeled into the operating room, the very cold operating room.  All my “male” nurses waiting for me.  One of them begins to cover me with oven warmed blankies.  (I want an oven blankie warmer thingy for Christmas) The anesthesia doc must have begun drugging me because all of a sudden I am completely relaxed and feeling drowsy.  Good, knock me out and get this party over with. 

Next thing I know, I hear the doc asking me if I can feel anything and if I’m doing okay.  I tell him I feel tugging on my arm and my hand with the IV hurts.  He says he just gave me more………..and I’m out. 

Then it happens.  I am horrified.  I hear the doc ask me again if I’m doing okay but suddenly the blankets are ripped from me.  I feel my gown being moved up.  I started yelling I DONT HAVE ANY UNDERWEAR ON I DONT HAVE ANY UNDERWEAR ON!  And I’m out.  Until I feel them spread my legs!!!   I’m mortified!!!   Completely and utterly mortified!!  I hear the doc ask me again, are you doing okay.  And all I can say is I DONT HAVE ANY UNDERWEAR ON I DONT HAVE UNDERWEAR ON!  Either someone took pity upon me or they wanted to shut me up but one them covered my goodies with a rolled towel.  THANK YOU I say.  And I’m out again.

I don’t wake up again until I’m in my room to recover and now the nurses are looking.  But now I don’t really care since I am in lala land.  Until I get a glance of my friend sitting in the chair and I panic that he might see so I start pushing everyone else’s hands away from me.   He is just a friend and has never and will never see my whoha.  HAHA.  

Like I said, no dignity and everything exposed.

The End.

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